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15 Best New Girl Quotes

While there are many sitcoms about a group of friends who help each other through everything that life has to offer, there is something special about New Girl. The characters feel like legitimately regular people who aren’t perfect and don’t really care about being perfect, either. Of course, people should also watch New Girl because it’s hilarious, and that is all thanks to the clever dialogue. There are so many quirky jokes in every episode that make the show worth watching time and time again. Even if someone watched it five times over, they might not catch everything.

Most of the best New Girl quotes are lines that aren’t just memorable because they’re funny, but because they leave an impression on the audience about the characters. All the actors in the series have impeccable timing, and all of them have great one-liners. Fans have been able to revisit a lot of these quotes and scenes thanks to cast members Zooey Deschanel, Hannah Simone, and Lamorne Morris having their own podcast for the show. The willingness of the cast to engage with fans has helped New Girl’s legacy continue on streaming services.

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“Because People Are The Worst.”

Nick In Season 1, Episode 12 – “The Landlord”

Nick and Jess talking in the elevator in New Girl

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) asks why the always grumpy Nick (Jake Johnson) is always looking for the worst in people, and Nick simply answers with this line that’s perfect for any day when people really are just the worst. It’s a perfect line for Nick’s character too, and the show cuts away to terrible, but hilarious, things people have done to Nick in his past, (although good things happen to New Girl‘s Nick too).

It makes sense that he hates people so much because they typically seem to hate him too. He’s someone who always sees the bad in a situation. It shows the differences between Jess and Nick, as Jess wants to think the best of people, but Nick knows that he can’t.

“Sometimes I Think I’m Just A Riddle That I Can’t Even Solve.”

Schmidt In Season 2, Episode 3 – “Fluffer”

Schmidt in a blue suit in New Girl

Schmidt (Max Greenfield) is a pretty eccentric and picky character on the show that needs to have things go just his way or else he’ll start yelling, which always ends up being pretty hilarious, as well.

Schmidt does have mini existential crises at times, which is pretty relatable for anyone around his age that isn’t exactly sure who they are or what they want in life, and this quote is a good representation of his moments where he wonders about who he is. Schmidt has many great New Girl quotes, but this one speaks to some of his larger anxieties in the show.

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“I Brake For birds. I Rock A Lot Of Polka Dots…”

Jess In Season 1, Episode 11 – “Jess And Julia”

Jess chastises Schmidt at the bar in New Girl

“… I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours! And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong!”

Nick’s lawyer girlfriend, Julia (Lizzy Caplan), helps Jess when she has to appear in court, and it’s clear that the two don’t understand each other. Jess holds it in as long as she can, but finally tells Julia how she feels.

Jess defends her personality, stating several things about herself that Julia probably wouldn’t like or understand, like how she brakes for birds or rocks polka dots, and she stands up for herself by saying that even though all of these things are true, it doesn’t mean she’s not independent and tough. It’s a great assertive moment for Jess, and also helps Julia to realize that their differences aren’t bad things. Jess and Julia even become friends.

Nick In Season 2, Episode 5 – “Models”

Nick and Schmidt looking at each other in New Girl

Nick and Schmidt are the best of friends but Schmidt sometimes expects more from Nick, and Nick has a hard time picking up on the subtle hints until Schmidt has to yell at him to tell him what he wants. Schmidt gives Nick a fancy cookie and Nick doesn’t really thank him for it, which causes a fight between the two.

Nick brings Schmidt a black and white cookie he cut himself to look like the Star of David and has a difficult time apologizing with the cookie and goes into a few hilarious minutes of trying to convey how much he truly cares for Schmidt. Nick isn’t as ready to verbalize his feelings as Schmidt is, which is always a point of contention in their friendship, and this scene is one of the best ways the show highlights that.

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“Nick, It’s Not That Hard, Man. Just Sit Down And Write. You Ain’t Hemingway.”

Winston In Season 2, Episode 9 – “Eggs”

Winston smiling in New Girl.

New Girl sets up struggling writer Nick in season 2, though without him ever really trying to write much. When he finally does try to write, he gets caught up in the beginning and Winston (Lamorne Morris) finally delivers this line telling him to just sit down and write.

Even though the moment is a bit of a burn and still pretty hilarious, it’s actually some good advice and does help Nick to get out of his head and just start writing a first draft. Nick eventually goes on to publish a detective novel featuring zombies, but he might not have if Winston hadn’t been blunt with him, to begin with.

“Pine Has No Place In This Loft. It’s The Wood Of Poor People And Outhouses.”

Schmidt In Season 1, Episode 16 – “Control”

Schmidt after his transformation in New Girl episode

Schmidt is often the most mature New Girl roommate. He is a man on a mission to succeed in life, whether that means doing well at work, finding his dream girl to marry, or looking good. That’s why this is such a great New Girl quote.

The fact that he’s talking about the wood in the apartment and even has an opinion on the kind of wood that he would prefer is pure Schmidt, and really couldn’t describe his character more perfectly. Even though Schmidt fancies himself an attractive bachelor, he’s definitely just as flawed as the rest of the group, which is evident here when he’s complaining about pine. It’s clear that no one else shares his feelings here.

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“I Am Not A Successful Adult. I Don’t Eat Vegetables And/Or Take Care Of Myself.”

Nick In Season 3, Episode 13 – “A Father’s Love”

Nick Miller frowning in New Girl

This quote from Nick is basically a character description, so it’s not hard to understand why it’s one of the best New Girl quotes. He is definitely not a grown-up, and that’s totally his charm, though Nick matures over New Girl’s run. He doesn’t eat properly, and viewers can guess that he might not have ever eaten a vegetable.

He doesn’t have a lot of money or even know how to manage his finances—which will come up later—and he’s just kind of out of it. But he’s a good person and cares about the rest of the characters, so viewers can let all of this stuff slide. Nick often talks about his lack of self-care and how much of a mess he is, but this quote is the best of its kind since it’s funny and to the point.

“It’s Perfectly Fine To Watch TV All Day.”

Nick In Season 2, Episode 4 – “Neighbors”

Nick Miller bartending on New Girl.

Can’t argue with Nick here: this is definitely true for the gang and it would be easy to picture any of the New Girl characters saying this particular quote — especially Jess — when they were going through a breakup or a bad time.

Nick’s New Girl quotes are gems like this all the time, though, and he’s known as someone who isn’t super motivated and doesn’t do a lot all day. That’s why he and Jess are such a perfect couple. They work well since they’re both weird and quirky, but she does have a bit more motivation to succeed in life than he does, and he needs to be with someone like her.

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“The Economy Stinks, Bees Are Dying, And Movies Are Pretty Much All Sequels Now.”

Schmidt In Season 1, Episode 23 – “Backslide”

Cece and Schmidt in the New Girl episode

Schmidt is the kind of guy who gets very worked up over the smallest things, and he gets very emotional and melodramatic. The smallest problem can bring him to near tears.

This quote employs a classic comedy writing technique: take something serious (like the problematic economy and the bee crisis) and add a joke at the end. The part about movies being all sequels now makes this a hilarious New Girl quote, as it’s a frequent pop culture complaint.

“You Know What We Should Watch? Have You Guys Ever Seen Fame?”

Jess In Season 1, Episode 4 – “Naked”

Jess talks to Nick in the kitchen in New Girl

“It’s about a group of dreamers with talent to spare, taking New York City by storm, one dance number at a time… the cafeteria… the street…”

This is a classic Jessica Day quote since she’s always going off on a random tangent about a movie or something that she loves. She’s girly, full of quirks, and can sometimes seem to be off in her own universe (and that’s another reason why she’s perfect for the more pessimistic Nick).

The fact that Jess says this to her roommates is even more hilarious since, of course, they’re not going to be up for watching Fame. They humor her in the pilot, allowing repeated watching of Dirty Dancing, but Fame is not their cup of tea. The fact that she’s so innocent and clueless is pure Jess.

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“I’d Give You A Hug, But My Shirt Smells Pretty Weird Today.”

Nick In Season 5, Episode 13 – “Sam, Again”

Nick and Jess argue

Nick just can’t help but say exactly what’s on his mind, even when it’s gross or weird or not really something that should be said out loud. It’s good that he doesn’t have a filter, though, because he offers the audience things like this great New Girl quote.

Nick is pretty much the opposite of Schmidt when it comes to personal hygiene and dressing well. He would rather not do laundry and would prefer to just wear the same shirt over and over again. His honesty in moments like this brings levity to otherwise serious scenes, giving the show a balance.

“If I Were Off My Rocker, Would I Take A Weekly Selfie With My Cat?”

Winston In Season 4, Episode 22 – “Clean Break”

Winston petting his cat in New Girl

Winston is quite possibly the strangest character on New Girl, which is saying a lot since everyone considers one another pretty weird. He just has something special about him that makes him arguably the funniest character, and the quirkiest. Winston views the world in his own way, and that makes him great.

This particular quote is one of the best on New Girl since he honestly believes that this is a completely normal thing to say. Winston and his cat are the best of pals, and many of his storylines feature his cat, so this is also classic Winston.

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“I Just Wanted To Listen To Taylor Swift Alone!”

Jess In Season 2, Episode 16 – “Table 34”

Jess and Nick in New Girl.

Taylor Swift plays an interesting role in New Girl since Jess is a big fan of the artist, but she also plays a character in a single episode of the show, as well. This particular quote from Jess about Swift is also one of the best on New Girl.

This quote is so relatable and chances are a lot of fans who watched her say this will say, “Yes, exactly.” This quote can apply to so many situations: a break-up, a bad day, a job interview that didn’t go well, or literally any awkward moment or encounter that should be forgotten about ASAP. Fans can always look to Jess to say what they are thinking, and she’s definitely at her best when making pop culture references.

“I Like Dogs More Than Cats.”

Nick In Season 2, Episode 12 – “Cabin”

Angie, Nick, Sam, and Jess on the couch in the New Girl episode

“I like chipmunks more than squirrels. I believe in UFOs. I once had a bass teacher, when I was younger, who did the standing bass. And he had a very weird smell, and I still think about it.”

The second season episode, “Cabin,” is a stand-out since it’s when Nick has Absinthe and goes a bit off the wall. (It does feature the too-soon departure of New Girl guest star Olivia Munn, though.)

The alcohol is clearly too strong, and he ends up saying this hilarious quote, which is one of the greatest on the show. What he’s saying might not seem funny out of context since he’s literally listing off the things that he enjoys, but his delivery is what sells the quote since he talks superfast and exacting.


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“You Were Denied A Cell Phone Because You Have The Credit Score Of A Homeless Ghost.”

Winston In Season 1, Episode 17 – “Fancyman Part 1”

Winston and Nick grinning in New Girl

When Winston says this to Nick, it’s completely relatable and something that fans of the show have been thinking about all along. Sometimes Nick doesn’t really seem like he’s a part of adult society since he’s often talking about how he’s childish and doesn’t like being organized or doing things that grown-ups do.

Winston’s quote is intelligent and funny because he doesn’t just tell Nick that he’s broke or bad with money, which would have been mildly funny but goes one step further and compares him to a “homeless ghost,” which is so Winston. Only his mind would go there, and this is a classic New Girl quote.

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Denis Ava
Denis Avahttps://bizgrows.com/
Denis Ava is mainly a business blogger who writes for Biz Grows. Rather than business blogs he loves to write and explore his talents in other niches such as fashion, technology, travelling,finance,etc.

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